"I have failed!"
Have you ever felt like after your teen closes (well maybe, slams) the door to his room upset for simply questioning for not completing an assignment or failing to do his chores or lying to you that you had failed as a mom for such a rude overreaction from your child? Or is it just me?
When our kids hurt we hurt ten-fold, and most times we take on the blame for it. Shaming ourselves for failing at mothering. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read and heard the phrase “I FAILED!” coming out of fellow moms’ mouths.
I understand this feeling oh so much, but we need to stop taking responsibility for our teen’s actions, mama!! When we see the failures in us, we’ll only see the failures in our kids. There’s a better way to perceive our teen’s mood swings and hurtful words and actions.
First, we need to understand them. What are they going through that are typical teen growing pains? What are not?
Second, evaluate your expectations. What expectation do you have for yourself as a mom? What expectations do you have for your teen? What boundaries and consequences do you have in place? Do you have a structure of accountability that places full responsibility on your teen and not on you?
Third, be okay with it not being okay. Get curious with your own feelings. Why would you feel like a failure? And is that true?
Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.” Genuine vulnerability can bring moments of healing and closeness with your teen. This will also shift your perspective from “Where have I failed?" to “Where can I grow?”
If you find yourself having trouble answering some of these questions, or need help in this area, check out the ROOTED Program. It’s designed to help you, a mom of a tween/teen girl, thrive in your relationship with resources and tools that help you guide her through this stage in life and leaves you parenting confidently.